Captain of My Ship

The Lord will work out his plans for my life-for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. ~ Psalm 138:8

Life is hard sometimes. We don’t always get to choose the journey of our own lives.

What does a voice of grief sound like? A cry of anguish? Screams of desperation? Terrors in the night? Discouragement, fear, anxious? Or possibly a miracle of abundance?

In the early days of facing the loss of a loved one there is no consolation. One of the first memories I have of what compassion looks like was from my Aunt Nancye. After a long flight from Colorado to Ohio I finally arrived at the Hospital where my youngest son was. I took the elevator to the fourth floor. Every step a step of dread but also a step of intense purpose to get to my son. The elevator door opened to a room full of familiar faces. All eyes were on me waiting for a reaction. My Aunt stood up and immediately met me as I stepped through the elevator doors. She didn’t say a word. Her eyes were full of tears. I felt her intense compassion, deep in my soul. She hugged me hard and held me as she wept, tears rolling down her face. She didn’t know or understand my pain, she just knew how to be the light in my world of darkness.

As I look back I believe that was the first time I felt the miracle and pure love of Jesus with me. It was the most difficult time in my hard life. My son lay on the other side of that door fighting for his life. He had been in a car crash caused by a young man who had chosen to drive under the influence. There were multiple decisions made that night that brought us all crashing together to a point in time that completely changed everyone’s life forever. After five long days and nights in the Intensive care unit my son lost his battle for his life. I started a battle so devastating I couldn’t see a way out.

My oldest son serves in the Army Special Forces. We don’t talk about the things he has experienced in war, but I have been around enough to have a small understanding of what they endure. The military soldier knows his enemy before he goes to battle. He studies and learns everything he can to keep himself and those around him safe and alive. The art of war is to win the battle and return safely home. I didn’t know my enemy. I didn’t even know there was someone greater than myself who could and would fight my battle for me. I was about to find out how powerful and mighty this Warrior was.

For the Lord your God is going with you! He will fight for you against your enemies, and he will give you victory! ~ Deuteronomy 3:22

I was attending a church at that time in my life. I went most Sundays, sang the songs, prayed the prayers and listened to the sermons. I didn’t have a bible. I didn’t feel I needed one as the scriptures were always beautifully printed on the screen for us. I thought and believed I was a Christian. Three months earlier I had decided to outwardly show my acceptance of Jesus and was baptized. The sad thing was I didn’t truly know Jesus, I didn’t know what it meant to love and put my trust in him.

As I look back what I didn’t understand what my mind could not comprehend was the need to plea for the Holy Spirit. Thankfully I was pointed to the word of God. My battle was not a walk for the faint of heart. The spiritual warfare began almost immediately. There are things that happened to me, if I shared most people in the world would never understand. There was an all-out war for my heart and, for my soul. I didn’t know the enemy or how to fight him. The battles raged on. I dug deeper into the word. It became my sword of truth. I was hanging by a thread. I hung on and clung to the promises I found within the pages of His Holy word. I read of the miracles and of the power granted us. I felt His abundance and His unfailing love. Each day I became a little stronger. Fighting one battle at a time. There were many days I was so weary I couldn’t pull myself up out of the pit of darkness. I then came to realize I was never fighting alone.

There is a term in the military called “Battle Buddy.” My Battle Buddy was always there fighting alongside me. He was the Captain of my ship. He carried me through the eye of the storm. He was with me in the swells and waves and in the dark, long and, cold nights. He never left my side. He took me places I could never find on my own. He made me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain tops! He snatched me right out of the hands of Satan! His name is Jesus, the Lord of Heavens armies.

But as for me, God will redeem my life. He will snatch me from the power of the grave ~ Psalm 49:15
Who is this King of glory? The Lord of Heaven’s Armies – he is the King of glory ~Psalms 24:10

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